The Beginning of the End
Current mood: drained

I spent the weekend with my grandma, on June 3rd.
Saturday was pretty rough, she was not feeling well
and the hospice nurse said that her air flow was weak.
I somehow managed to get through the night and by
early morning she was smiling and ready to go outside.
I wheeled her to the rosebushes and the temperature
outside was just perfect, sunny and warm and she loved
it. I then pushed her to the back where the little
gardens were and we looked at what people were
growing. I somehow got off the walkway and got her
wheelchair lodged in a rut and when I got it out I
knocked the rubber off the wheel. At the time this
seemed very amusing to us, it was liking pushing
someone with a flat tire. We were grateful to make it
back to the front and by that time she was ready for
ice cream. We both knew her wheelchair would not fit
in the car so i said let's just leave it out front and
hopefully someone will take the old broken thing. So
we were off to Braum's where she ordered a double dip
strawberry shortcake sundae. When we got back the
apartments it was then I realized I clearly did NOT
think through on what I ordered I had a waffle cone in
one hand and a drink in the other and her sundae on
her lap, I was grateful THEN that the wheelchair was
still there. But if you can just for a moment picture
me holding something in each hand and pushing her
while she is eating her ice cream with a broken wheel,
then I pulled the rubber handle off. I got so tickled
because the ice cream was running down my hand and in
the other hand I had my drink and the rubber handle.
She ate All of her ice cream. We had such a good day
together. That was my last memory of being with her.
She was happy and smiling and I left her apartment
around 5:00 p.m. Monday and Tuesday her vitals were
good. Wednesday at work was a really good day. I was
in a good mood, things were going well, when I got
home I enjoyed spending time with my kids, I had left
messages for my aunt to call me about grandma since I
had not heard anything that day, she called a little
after 7:00 she said she had been sleeping all day and
her blood pressure was a little low. This concerned me
because she NEVER sleeps. She passed away at
10:30p.m., Heather called to let me know and I felt
like I was in complete denial because I had This all
figured out, how it was going to end and how I would
be there so I just didn't believe it and I don't
remember alot about what I said or did but I do
remember thinking that it must have been a bad dream
that I could not wake up from. I held onto her until
the funeral home came to take her away, that is a
lasting memory as well.