The Emptiness
Current mood: depressed

The emptiness is my life. I have had so many changes
in my life this last month that have made me a
different person. Not the person that most people
know and see, not happy, friendly or outgoing. None of
the above. On the inside I am hurting, depressed,
lonely and very sad. If you see me you may not even
realize that something is wrong, I can fake smile very
well, the actress in me I suppose. For the most part
this all started when my grandma became very sick. My
grandma is so special to me, more like a mother and of
course a close friend. She has been fighting lung
cancer since diagnosed in January 2006. I took her to
most of her chemo appts. and all her CT scans for the
last year. The chemo did not work so we stopped
treatments Feb. of this year. I got a call from my
mother 2 weeks ago that my grandma was being
transported to the ER, which was a red flag because

The Beginning of the End
Current mood: drained

I spent the weekend with my grandma, on June 3rd.
Saturday was pretty rough, she was not feeling well
and the hospice nurse said that her air flow was weak.
I somehow managed to get through the night and by
early morning she was smiling and ready to go outside.
I wheeled her to the rosebushes and the temperature
outside was just perfect, sunny and warm and she loved
it. I then pushed her to the back where the little
gardens were and we looked at what people were
growing. I somehow got off the walkway and got her
wheelchair lodged in a rut and when I got it out I
knocked the rubber off the wheel. At the time this
seemed very amusing to us, it was liking pushing
someone with a flat tire. We were grateful to make it
back to the front and by that time she was ready for
ice cream. We both knew her wheelchair would not fit
in the car so i said let's just leave it out front and

The End

I remember waking up Thursday and for that split
second you remember it wasn't a nightmare. Don't you
hate that feeling? I decided if I sat around all day I
was just keep crying , so I when I met my family at
the funeral home you can just imagine the mood I was
in. My uncle was there( I will not comment on what I
felt about him at that moment) but he acted like it
was a freakin car deal or something trying to
negotiate the cost of the funeral. I was so Mad, I
said just shut up. I was never so grateful to get out
of somewhere before. On Friday I got up and realized
what am I going to do now, I can't sit around and cry
all day so I went to see Heather. Me and Heather were
always "grandma's girls". She raised us both and we
loved her like a mom. I felt like she was the only
person that understood me. Unfortunately with both of
us upset we did not know what to do, so hey I know